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Lillian-Juda Leonard-Beach
I am a Blogger, web & graphic designer, girlfriend, student, model, nurses aid, night owl, friend of 420, activist, Catholic, Buddhist, yoga follower, survivalist, friend, daughter, Canadian, Atlantan, strawberry blonde spaz, with a kind heart.
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

"Your life feels like the morning after all year long."

 I thought I would share a thought with everyone. This time the past three years, I have always had a hard time.Year one I was recovering from some very detrimental habits. Year two I had just failed college and was moving home in a failed attempt and living with a broken heart, and year three I was dealing with my live-in boyfriend who was cheating on me. Through this entire time there was one song that REALLY hit me everytime I head it. This song was often the thing I came back too, it kind of made it ok.

Year one I had just graduated from high school and I was swimming in dangerous waters in every direction. I was recovering from an abusive relationship, looking towards outward desires to fix what I was having trouble with within myself. I was taken to my Aunts Orchard to start anew. This was not the best decision, but I've learned from it.

Year two I was coming home from failing my entire freshman year of college. I was driving home with a guy who is now my ex-finance, thinking about what had really happened in the past year. This was also the year my mother had her heart attack. Which is an entirely different story.

Year three my boyfriend at the time had been unemployed for nearly a year and it was starting to take a tole on the relationship. He enrolled in a CNA class and met someone knew. Let's just leave it at that.

Never the less, this is the first year that I can remember finally getting there. This year is the year of "happening". I slowly see myself growing up. More than I had ever imagined. So much makes sense now. Although I know that youth doesn't last forever, I wouldn't wish those horrible "coming of age" years on anyone! I remember laying on the bathroom floor wishing that some stupid boy, or some stupid situation, had never come about.

A lot of people will tell you I've had a busy life, and I have. I've been a Comp Tech, Chocolatier, Server, Cook, Maid, Nurse, Artist, and that's just to mention a few. Through out all of it, I've had to learn to be with myself. I think this is really hard for some kids. I think some kids are just born that way. Sure I've had A LOT of ups and downs, and sure I have the multitasking ability of a 30 yr old mom with 6 kids, but would I trade it for an easier life? I'm not really sure.

There's something about growing up different. You kinda learn more. You learn saying this or doing that may not be the best decision. I know I was a hard kid to train, but I got there.... it just a little longer than hoped. I watch my friends siblings enter into "young adulthood" and pray to God they stay strong, because all I want to say to them is "This is only the begging."

So if you have one of those kids, the ones who don't listen, or seem not to care, or act out, or even are in trouble a lot. Just bare with them, even if they have to get in trouble. Just be there. Sometimes you shouldn't even talk, just be there. Acknowledge them when they're there, even if the sneer at you. They don't mean it. They don't understand. And try not to be too harsh. Allow them to bloom and learn even on they're own, even with supervision. Lol

Take it from one of those kids. We all grow up. Just think of it as your the pop sickle stick and they're the tomato. Sometimes they fall over on you no matter what you do, and once and a while they even may loose a fruit to a weasel, but they're still a tomato plant right now... That's all they know how to do.

If you really listen to the song, and think about when your life really has been THAT hard, I think you'll understand. And just remember, everyone thinks about giving up sometimes, just don't be a person that gives up all the time.

Not Your Year - The Weepies
"Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall 

Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor 
Your life feels like the morning after all year long. 

Every day it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe this is not your year.

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There's a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
living easy, getting kissed
while you wonder what else you're doing wrong

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating "don't give up, don't give up, don't give up."


nicolesspirit878 said...

Oh my I was wondering on if I was going to leave a comment but once you posted a weepies song I just had to. I love the weepies something fierce. I understand what you mean by a song really making an impact. Sorry about your boyfriend but on to better.

Riannon said...

You have won an award. Check it out on my site: http://mommyandmenaturally.blogspot.com/2010/05/yeah-i-won-award.html

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